This week I completed my first parents evening as a year 6 teacher again. Whilst I was waiting for a parent to arrive, I was asked by someone ‘Are you OK?’ My answer was an unequivocal ‘yes.’ I had zero hesitation in my response. I felt like I did when I was three years into my career rather than eleven years in.
I secured a new full time job in the summer of 2018, a year after I had felt like completely turning my back on teaching. It was a huge move for me to step back into the pressure cooker of year 6 in a primary school, after all...this was one of the main reasons I ended up having to have time off with stress and depression. Through working on supply in the school and getting my head down to do the best I could, I feel like I have carved a new start for myself.
Before I took the job, I had to make sure of a few things. My new employers had to know everything about me and my condition and how it continues to affect me. I also wanted to know who I would be working with on a daily basis and what the school expects of me. Basically, cards needed to be laid on the table from all quarters.
For the most part in life, I have trusted my gut feeling, or at least I’ve tried to. Taking this job was down to my gut. It was only when I was offered it that I decided whether I would or not. As it stands, with one half term nearly done, I feel like I’ve made the right choice. This is in large part down to many things, and largely some key people.
First of all, the people I work with closely on a day to day basis, understand my background and respect it. The staff have made me feel welcome and I feel like I've managed to fit in. Whilst the staff in general have been great, there are a few people who have really made me feel like myself again.
In November last year I met a great team and had a great time working with them. This year, my team is again good to work with. My teaching assistant is an absolute dream to work with. She appreciates my working style, and I understand hers (she makes sure I don't have a class that looks like a tornado has whipped through it!). We’re a great team. I knew that I would potentially be working with her when I took the job. Working together was a huge factor in me taking the job. I wasn’t wrong. She helps make the job so much easier as she knows what I expect of the children, and in turn we keep things consistent; I have complete and utter confidence in everything she does in the classroom. As a teacher, this is rare and I know how blessed I am (that's not to say my previous TA's haven't been great...you know who you are...)
The class I teach are superb. They’re a set of children who don’t give me any real problems and ultimately, they’re great fun. There are some great personalities in the mix, some supremely talented individuals in more than just academia, and a set of children that give me faith for the future. Granted, I only know their demeanour at school, but you can only work with what you know! They've played just as much of a role in me feeling like a proper teacher again as the professionals I work with have.
It's important to feel wanted in a job. The management team make me feel like i'm wanted and appreciate my background and history and are respectful of it all. I have experience and I have had successes in my career. At the moment I’m enjoying being a teacher again - just teaching. The school are happy for me to work this way and want me to be the best teacher I can possibly be. Again, this is another thing where I know I am blessed. I have none of the responsibilities that I had taken on before to get to the position I was in. I've taken a pay cut, can see things from plenty of points of view, and I am so much better at keeping things in perspective. I like to just 'get on with it' as much as I can. I keep work at work, and home at home. My boundaries are strong; I almost try to lead two lives.
All of these aspects have helped me to feel like my old self again. Depression and bouts of stress still wash over me regularly - the difference is that through the guidance of my amazing counsellor (who I haven't seen for three months), the love of my family and friends, my girlfriend, and a great set of work colleagues I know how to deal with most things and know how to navigate the stormy waters of my own messy mind when it hits hard. Again, I know that I am in a good position as I have managed to get a level of rationale and am thankful for that - every mental health case is different and no one person or case should be judged against another. The conversation about mental health needs to continue strongly. Be sure to ask if people are OK. Luckily, I got asked if I was OK this week and could say 'yes' without the knot tightening in my stomach.
Why I chose these songs:
Well, it was Sly & The Family Stone or Alanis Morissette. If in doubt, go for the funk. Always. Larry Graham's slap bass line here is one of the best ever. I dare you to try and sit still whilst listening! Plus, I want to say thank you to anyone who has helped me - it would take me so long to mention everyone.
The next song is simply one of the best songs of this year and continues the funk theme. I've listened to Janelle Monáe's Dirty Computer album a lot this year. I got to see her last month in Manchester and she was superb. She is a real artist who is not afraid to say what she wants on a range of issues concerning rights or people. Prince will be looking down proudly. I reviewed the show, and it was an absolute privilege. You can read my review here if you're interested. I also reviewed the album here.
Side A
Sly & The Family Stone - Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)
Side B
Janelle Monáe - Make Me Feel